Why 'Be Yourself' Is Incomplete Advice

I like the quote “do what you want to do, be yourself,” though taken alone, it doesn’t meaningfully affect anyone.

For those who have a clear self‑realization of who they are and what they value, they are already living by this quote; if not, they at least understand it. An obvious trait of these people is that they constantly feel like they don’t have enough time. They don’t have enough time to do things—things like writing a blog post which they genuinely want to do, not things like completing assignments which they’re tasked to do.

I don’t like the term “self‑realization” by itself; it sounds arrogant. I define it as realizing and believing in one’s self‑potential and being motivated to achieve that potential.

For those who don’t yet have a clear self-realization, they won’t suddenly gain it through this quote alone. But that doesn’t mean those things can’t be taught, or, with a more accurate word, learned. Rather, self-realization is something which I believe will inevitably happen to everyone. And as one moves on, knowing what they want to do in life—the gut feeling—is a very powerful catalyst that can alter their trajectories in exciting ways.

But how? What are the steps to self‑realization, and what comes after?

The Two Steps

To begin, I will bring in my own story (I will try to keep it short!).

When I look back on my journey in 2024, there are two separate two‑week experiences that fundamentally changed me.

1

The first one took place in April. Back then, I was still in my Sophomore year of high school, and most people around me were spending their spare time either 1) getting higher in‑class grades or 2) enhancing their college application profile. I was doing the same until I realized I was going through the motions. I wanted to simply learn about computer science and AI, but people kept telling me that colleges don’t want Asian cs kids, and I should instead be doing more community service activities.

Don’t just do what others tell you to do. Be yourself. That was when I heard this phrase for the first time. I wasn’t able to internalize it, but I took it seriously and tried to apply it to my life. I paused all the things that I didn’t enjoy doing. I picked up a book about AI safety that I’ve wanted to read for a long time, read it, and absolutely loved it. I started reading more. I read about anything that seemed interesting to me: Physics, the universe, Steve Jobs, etc. During those weeks, I learned for the sake of fulfilling my curiosity rather than proving myself to others. It also led me to write my first thoughtful blog post (reading it today brings a funny feeling).

But to be completely honest, I was still worried that I’m not doing anything “productive”, as you usually don’t put how many books you’ve read on your college application. But looking back, that period of time changed my life. It made me realize the endless things out there that I can learn about, which in turn shaped my thinking. That younger me was still far from knowing what he wanted to do, but at least he knew that he could learn.

The first step of self‑realization is: for once, choose what you want over what you’re told. But don’t just intentionally not listen to people! Do something that you genuinely want to do, which you think is meaningful, even if it seems stupid—

—stupidity is a superpower. Being stupid, not faking competence, is very often a good thing, and many there are many reasons to it: no sunk cost fallacy, you get to ask questions, you are open to new ideas and brave enough to try things. One will almost certainly make loads of mistakes, but they give better questions.

2

The second story took place in August in Somerset, UK, where I lived in a thousand‑year‑old castle in the middle of nowhere for ten days. It was a camp about AI and rationality with 25 participants (and around 20 staff members).

I was the youngest participant there. Most people have already entered college, but more importantly, they are all extremely accomplished: gold medalists from international olympiads, MIT math and CS undergrads, having published research…while I was just a normal high school student who’s not even close. I had imposter syndrome. I felt like I didn't belong there.

Nevertheless, I found myself having deep 1‑1 conversations with almost everyone—deep talks are part of the camp culture. Those conversations went unexpectedly deep. It was the first time in my life when I found myself constantly wanting to talk to people about inner thoughts, to tell them my life stories, and to learn theirs. It is rare to have those kinds of conversations back in the environment I live in, because everyone is constantly tasked with assignments to complete, with attention occupied by external factors. Both types of environments have their own positive qualities.

And it was during those conversations that growth was subconsciously taking place. Since I deemed the people I’m talking to to be impressive, and I was able to talk to them comfortably and exchange thoughts, I am also gaining confidence without noticing it. I came to realize all the wonderful things out there, and how I am potentially capable of doing them.

I became internally motivated to a ridiculously huge extent that, after the camp, I would wake up each day thinking about the things I could do and feel excited. I would scroll forums, Twitter (the knowledgeable part of it), blog posts, and burrow down random rabbit holes like AI alignment and Fermi estimation. I can’t rationalize why I behaved like that, but I just genuinely wanted to learn as much as I could.

It was during this time that I came to form a sense of self‑realization—I started to understand myself better, knowing what I want to do. I was able to spend my unstructured time effectively. I could learn actively and spontaneously.

The second step of self‑realization lies in one’s environment. Talk to driven people. Have thoughtful conversations with them. Have genuine conversations (that is, don’t be afraid to ask stupid questions!). The five people you spend the most time with shape who you are.

And it doesn’t have to be in person. Cold emails and DMs are some of the most powerful and accessible tools any person can use. I got my first internship because of a tweet followed by a virtual call! Just a little bit of off topic talk: cold email doesn't have to be a request like "can I work for you"; instead, it can simply be "I like your work, can we have a 15 minute chat? Here's my Calendly (link) if you're interested." This has brought me incredible interactions with people I wanted to be friends with. Build connections!

Be yourself, with passionate intensity

To this point, self‑realization is achieved. You know you can just do things. And you will feel motivated to do them. If you were given three weeks of free time, you would find something meaningful to do.

But this is just a starting point. Simply realizing and being motivated without acting isn’t enough. Knowing how to handle one's internal expectations doesn’t equal knowing how to deal with the messier external ones. There exists a common phenomenon in the societies we live in today, which is what many people are doing right now: they are struggling, confused, repeatedly telling themselves “I need to be doing this”, “I need to be doing that”, “I need to…” No, you don’t have to do anything.

The only thing you should be doing is what you really want to do. Humans are social creatures, and they like imposing expectations on others. That’s just the nature of who we are. For instance, I expect many things from the people around me: I expect my friends to be kind, my family to be supportive, and my AI chatbot to listen to me 24/7.

But if you neglect those expectations, you will be able to hear a tiny whisper from deep inside your gut. That is what you really think and want. Listen to it, and you can be yourself. Embrace it, practice it like a habit.

Five days following Steve Jobs’s death, on October 10th of 2011, Naval Ravikant tweeted, “I never met my greatest mentor. I wanted so much to be like him. But his message was the opposite. Be yourself, with passionate intensity.”

No one can understand what you want from life better than you do. If your mom tells you that you should be a doctor and you agree with her, then you have probably already had a subconscious inclination for doing so. It’s not that she knows you better than you do, but simply that she inspires you to think more about who you are. It always helps to talk to people you trust!

The first step for self‑realization was to choose what you want over what you’re told for once. But to fulfill self‑realization, treat this like a habit. Know what you want to do at all times—sometimes they might not turn out to be others’ advice, and in cases like this, evaluate both sides thoughtfully instead of bluntly trusting your instincts. Stupidity can be a superpower, but a superpower can be both good and bad.

Taking Action

Agency is another superpower.

Upon having a gut feeling toward the things you want to do, list them into concrete items and put them into action! Generally, passions and goals can come in very varied forms (e.g., reading a book vs. hitting the gym daily), so it is really up to you to decide what you are going to actually be doing.

And there is really no fixed set of tutorials at this point of realization. Most people here probably already know what is best for them. Alternatively, here are some things I find to be helpful and agentic that are generally applicable to people:

• Read books
  • Read lots of books, or their first two chapters at the very least—that’s where the authors like to put the juicy sauce
  • Skip the ones that bore you
  • Re‑read the few books that you really like
• Write
  • Write for yourself; journal the things you are grateful for
  • Write thoughtful blogs (high‑leverage!)
  • Write tweets; build connections; develop your personal branding
  • Ideas to write about: life stories, advice, idea log, interesting facts, tutorials
• Build a personal website from scratch
  • Learn how to build one—you’ll likely pick up the basics of coding
  • Design it to look nice
• Learn how to code
  • Learn about linear algebra
  • Read recent research in the field you’re interested in
  • Ask AI chatbots when you’re stuck
• Sit and meditate for 10 minutes
  • Extremely accessible yet incredibly difficult to put into action
  • Will likely provide more benefit than you thought
• Go on a walk without your phone
  • Notice your surroundings
• Teach a friend about a topic
  • You will understand it better
  • Teach it to a random stranger!
• Cold outreach
• Start tiny projects
  • The best way of learning something is by doing it
• Force yourself to do the things listed above at a different place each time
  • It can be a coffee shop, or just a random acre of grass that you like

For example, this blog post is my attempt to take agency and write down something that I’ve wanted to write for a long time. You will likely find it structured poorly (that’s my thought writing to this point), but I’m nevertheless glad that I was still able to put in the time and reflect upon my thoughts. No one forced me to type all these words. No one will reward me for doing so. I write because I want to write, and I enjoy the process of forming new concrete beliefs. Right now, I am being myself.